Scared Stupid

So one of those pretty funny things happened the other day. Like I wrote before, kids here don't talk about their emotions much, and it is hard for them to say how they feel. So whenever I can, I buy them books that talk about things like that. You know the type - "Mad Isn't Bad" or "How I Feel Today" or "Johnny's Hamster Died". So when I found this one on sale the other day, I was pretty excited about it - it seemed perfect for my kids:

So I started reading it to them the other night before bed, thinking it was a great opportunity for them to talk about being scared at night. They usually have to sleep with a light on - recently I figured out that by covering the bedroom walls with glow-in-the-dark stars, they would sleep in the dark so they could see the stars. Anyhow, we turn to the first page, and the kids go totally bezerk:


"WHY IS HIS HEART JUMPING OUT?!? WHAT IS THIS DOING?!? WILL HIS HEART GO BACK IN?!?" they all scream, covering their eyes, taking another peek, and covering their eyes again, shrieking and hiding under the blankets.
I am quickly trying to explain that it just feels like his heart is going to jump out of his chest, because it feels that way sometimes when you get scared.

"IS MY HEART GOING TO JUMP OUT TOO? ? AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!”By this time they were really in a panic over it, and it took me a few minutes to get them calmed down and ready to keep reading, as I was sure that finishing to book would help calm them down - after all, it WAS a book about being scared. So I assured them that it wasn't supposed to be a scary book, and we turned to the next page:


"AAAAAAHHHHH! WHAT IS THAT?! WHO IS THAT MAN?!?"

I am really hating this book by now, and trying to show them that really it turns out to be a pile of clothes and a doll later, but they will have none of it - they are totally freaked, and think I've brought out this terrifying horror book just to give them nightmares. So I flip quickly to the next page, which isn't much better...
"Okay okay! The book is going away!" I say, throwing the stupid book over the pile of shivering children huddled around me and wondering if the author ever test-read this book for children who were actually scared of things.

Forget my attempt at helping with the emotional development of my children. We're reading "Farley Farts." At least they'll be able to sleep...probably.